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Writer's Block: Dreams

Jul. 16th, 2008 | 12:01 pm
location: home
mood: distressed distressed
music: Mudvayne - Happy?

Talk about a recurring dream you've had, or talk about your most vivid dream. What makes it stick in your memory?
There are some "dream/nightmares" that I keep having. They aren't the same ones, but they are basically about the same thing. They all have me pregnant in them and my boyfriend gets hurt. Like one is; James and I are walking down the street, everything is perfect. Then the next thing i know some guy in a mask comes out and shoots James like 7 times. and then runs away. I just start screaming and crying. I kneel down and hold him. He's not speaking or nothing. I try to help to call for help but the phone isn't working. He utters "I......L...ove...yoou..." Then he dies. So basically in the end my boyfriend dies and I'm left pregnant...
All my dreams lately are just like that one. I dont know why they are happening over and over. But they really scare me. Like I woke up crying because of that one.


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Fuck Me...

Jul. 7th, 2008 | 04:59 am
mood: depressed depressed
music: Neyo - Closer

its going on 5 o'clock in the fucking morning. I'm so frustrated with everything right now. Like my mom never came home last night so I never got my night time medications so I'm seriously tweaking out. I'm like not even kidding right now. I'm having serious anxiety attacks PLUS I'm so angry about things I just want to fucking punch something or someone. I really wish James was on, I really need someone to talk to seriously. I'm sorta depressed too. Its kinda odd I know.. My moods are like changing rapidly its not funny. I was watching movies earlier and It got me thinking about James and how much I wish he was here with me so I could be in his arms cuddling with him. Just to feel that sweet loving embrace of his. Like.... I need someone to cuddle with and lay with. It makes everything so much better feeling. But I know I'm going to have to wait like 1 or more years till the day comes that I'm snuggling up next to my piggy. I think that will be the greatest thing ever! =\

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Writer's Block: The Best Thing You've Done

Jul. 5th, 2008 | 06:31 pm
location: room
mood: cheerful cheerful
music: Justin Nozuka - After Tonight

If you were to die now, at this moment, what would you think of as the best thing you've ever done in your life?
There is so many things i could say that is the "Best Thing" I've ever done in my life. But I would have to say the best thing I ever did in my life would probably be that i started going out with James. He is everything to me. I dont want anyone else. I want James and ONLY James. He has the key to my heart. If I was to die. I would die a happy person. Because I was able to experience "True" Love. And I know nobody can take my place out of his heart. Either alive or dead. I know he will ALWAYS love me =]

ILY MUFFIN

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Writer's Block: Facets of a Hero

Jul. 4th, 2008 | 04:37 am
mood: ecstatic ecstatic
music: MSI

What makes a hero?
To me a hero is someone that you can look up to as a role-model & learn from. They are reliable, trustworthy, smart, honest, caring. Just to name a few qualities. But some people i see as a hero for me are; my mother, & my boyfriend James. My mom is definately a hero to me, she is a smart strong-willed woman, she never leaves work unfinished. She is someone i can talk to. My mom helps me learn from my mistakes and help me to becoming a mature adult. James is also a hero to me because is he a very passionate person and he is his own person he doesn't conform to society. He is a very special individual. He is kind, trustworthy, reliable, caring, passionate, loving. He gives good advice to me. He is like my best friend i can talk to him about anything and everything. He makes me a stronger person. mentally and emotionally.

That is the qualities i see in a hero.

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Writer's Block: Caring

Jul. 4th, 2008 | 02:14 am
location: My Room
mood: giddy giddy
music: Relient K - Be My Escape

Who do you care about most in your life?
Well his name is James, 18 yrs young. He is the most charming, handsome, sweet, lovable, loyal, trustworthy guy I've ever came across. He makes me laugh when I'm sad, He makes me cry happy tears, I feel so special because of him! He makes me feel like I'm a little girl the way he makes me get butterflies. I can be myself with him, I'm not afraid to tell him anything. He is always there for me when i need him most. He always knows how to cheer me up when I'm down. His personality is AMAZING. Just so bubbly and energetic. He makes me feel like a princess & he is my knight in shining armor. He spoils me so much. I cant even explain how that feels, because I'm not the girl that ever gets spoiled or treated well. But James. he makes me feel different.like theres no one else but me and him. He means everything to me. He is everything and my world revolves around him. I don't know what I'd do without him. Seriously.

James - I Love You My English Muffin / My Piggy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Struggling.....

Jul. 2nd, 2008 | 12:01 am
location: room
mood: apathetic apathetic
music: cannon Rock Version

Earlier today..... i was with Ms. Terry and Kelle... and well we were listening to Hearts Greatest hits CD. and some songs came on and got me thinking.... Especially the song stranded. It's basically a song about moving in with the  guy that a girl is totally in love with. like she leaves everything behind. And Next thing ya know she is stranded and all alone in this place she doesnt really know. And well it got me thinking about my past relationship with shawn. In the beginning everything and i mean EVERYTHING was PERFECT! But as the weeks became monhs... things really began to change. Like we started to fight sometimes, over little things... then as time progressed it became more bigger fight and more serious and violent... He started drinking heavily and became a coke and herione addict and yeahhh.. i ended it... though i still loved him so terribly much like... he was basically my FIRST EVERYTHING! and he got to talking to me one day saying how i wanna marry you and have kids with you and rah rah rah... But Thats not happening now is it?... He is a satanist now.. still  addicted to drugs and alcohol.. But anyways I got to thinking about my current relationship...and well its starting out the SAME WAY.
its really scaring me its like a repeat of wat happend in my last relationship.... like me and him want to live together. and stuff... he tells me how much i mean to him and how much he loves me and i make him so happy... And well. he does mean alot to me and i love him very much and he is always able to make me smile... he tells me that he will never leave me or do anything to hurt me.. I wanna believe him.. but i cant...i want to still have that security blanket covering me.. Cuz im not ready to be broken. i want love, affection, care.. but im so scared of things going wrong... he lives so far away from me... its unbearable... like i want to be close distance to him. but i cant. not yet... so that is a little bit of my worrying begins. I'm afraid he will find someone closer, better than me. and can give him the love he deserves in real life not over the phone or web.. Dont get me wrong. i love him to DEATH. my world revolves around him. and im afraid something is going to happen to break us apart.. I just KNOW it. for a fact! I lack the sense of security and trust. because i've been screwed over one to many times.... but anyways i think im done blogging now.. peace out ... MMFWCL<3



-Eli

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My Quiz i took

Jun. 30th, 2008 | 08:56 pm


what angel are you? (pics also included)
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as angel of death

you are an angel of death. you aren't afraid to die and you find yourself dreaming about what life will be like after you die. you sometimes wish you could feel it without it actually happening . your someone who would choose to guide lost souls to the other side than rather pass through yourself. your a protector and a guide to the lost souls of this world

angel of beauty

100%

angel of death

100%

angel of light

100%

angel of protection

100%

misunderstood angel

100%

angel of love

95%

angel of pain

35%

fallen angel

15%

angel of envy

0%

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Long Distance Relationship

Jun. 30th, 2008 | 06:02 pm
mood: loved loved
music: Relient K - The Best Thing

Many people that are in long distance relationships usually ask "why does the one you love have to be so far away" its because god has his ways. its basically a test of love. Well I see it that way. All You need to do to succeed in this test of love is the following:
1). Love
2). Patience
3). Commitment
4). Trust
5). Honesty
6) Communication

If you are able to use all those in your relationship its bound to last. If you love that person you wont be bothered with the distance between you both.

I have a boyfriend in england. im in maryland, US. Thats a pretty huge gap of space between us. So I know how it feels to be wondering what your bf/gf is up to. But All those things i mentioned above i have in mine and james' relationship. Im able to tell him anything and he listens and helps me through rough times. We are both very commited to each other. We are honest to one another. An he is oh so patient with me.
Im hoping to go see him in england next year. I know we are going to last. This love between us is something i cannot really describe. All i can say is that Everyone has a significant other. and well mine is over and across the pond.

-Eli

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Introduction <3

Jun. 25th, 2008 | 02:31 pm
location: Bedroom
mood: creative creative
music: Ting Tings - Shut up and let me go

So, This is my first entry  so ima tell you a little about myself. My Name is Elaina, But you can gladly call me "Eli". The reason for my user title is because im a Juggalette "ICP Term" And Secondly I'm oh so lovely, Lol. Music is everything to me, it inspires me and helps me through rough times. It's a wonderful form of expression. I like all types of music, the genre's i mainly listen to are; Techno, Industrial, Classic Rock, Modern Rock, Hip-Hop, Rap, Power Pop, Punk Rock, Alternative, County. So as you see I have a wide range in variety of genre's haha. Anyways, Im gonna be 17 on December 3rd. I love to express myself through the way i dress and style my hair. I do my own coloring and cutting of my hair. Because personally, I dont like getting it done by so called "professionals" they mess up alot and yeah i prefer doing it how I want it. Im currently taken by this amazing guy. I would like to tell you about him so I will. His name is James, he is 18 and from england! He is the most AMAZING guy I've ever met!!! like its unbelieveable that someone like him could exists!!!! seriously. He is Kind, Sweet, Caring, Loving, Outgoing personality. He means the world to me. I would never hurt him EVER! Before I had met him... I was totally done with dating guys because of wat my last ex did to me. So I had started dating girls. Then Along comes james and BOOM! He had me falling head over heels for him! He is just that AMAZING. hehe. Anyways I hope to live with him someday <3 I would do anything for him. well i think this is enough blogging for now. I think this is good for now. I will blog more later.

-Eli

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